What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 02:39
Especially a lifetime of it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What is the boldest and craziest thing your mother has ever done for you?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It was going to be , some day.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What's it like to have an IQ of 140 to 170? Do people notice you're different?
I was 9 years of age.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When British people write X after everything, are they being serious or trying not to be awkward?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We were not on the streets..
My life is so biszare .
Is homosexuality an excommunicable offense in Christianity?
I said to her
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?
But it wasn’t much.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
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We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
How do I find a transgender girlfriend?
I will be 64.
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We all went to grammer schools
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So, i spoilt her more .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
When she asked me how she looked .
She was in good health!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was scared of men, in general
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Comes on , in middle age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I think the readers, may guess!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I have no regrets .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I don,t even have a pension.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Who then, do I blame.?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ive learnt so much.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One cannot live in the past .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was very sick at this time too.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Was to survive, this bastard.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
So whats the point in blame.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im still living with it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was seconnd youngest,
Put me off passion for life!!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
All the time i was locked up.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And i lived it daily.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What did i know ?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She loved him until the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My family never makes their pension either.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I write beautiful poetry .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why did i forgive my father ?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She found it foreign!.
This is soul school!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Would this be the day?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He knew the spot.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She wouldn,t have been !
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.